Tips for Traveling in Southeast Asia

1.  Carry toilet paper or baby wipes and a little bottle of soap at all times.

2.  When going to a restaurant, no matter how nice it seems, visit the bathroom and see if there is soap.  If there isn't any, leave.  How are the staff washing their hands?

3.  Play with children everywhere you go.   These will be your best experiences and a year later the photos will still melt your heart.  Bubbles, jacks and soccer balls kick the fun up a notch.

4.  Steer clear of people who are strongly and overtly friendly.  Most Asian cultures do not encourage overt friendliness with strangers.  Aggressively friendly people are trying to hustle you.

5.  If you see a street vendor selling anything wrapped in a banana leaf, buy it.  It will cost pennies and be absolutely delicious.

6.  If you are a gay man, visit the girly gogo bars.  You'll have the best time of your life.  Female hookers are the biggest fag hags around.  You still have to buy the drinks.

7.  Ice it!  Many westerners avoid consuming ice for fear of sickness and miss out on some of the best tastes of Southeast Asia like fruit shakes, mango lassi, halo-halo.  Cylindrical ice with a hollow center is always purified.  Big block ice (served to you crushed) is riskier because it's manhandled between plant and cup.  But I've enjoyed block ice many times to no ill effect.

8.  Make friends with monks.

9.  The art of slow-dancing with a Cambodian ladyboy; place one hand on her waist, the other hand on your wallet.

10.  At least one time, get caught and fully drenched in a monsoon rain.

11.  Volunteer somewhere.  It's a great way to forge deeper relationships and gain insights into culture while having a meaningful experience that will change you forever.  Never pay to volunteer.

12.  If you are taking a long bus ride at night time, bring a sweater, a blanket, a sub-zero sleeping bag and, if possible, a fireplace with you.  I could not believe how cold the AC is in there.

13.  Never trust an Indian who says, "it's not that spicy."

14.  In Asia, shame and respect are social forces more powerful than most westerners can even conceive.  Learning the gestures and language of respect goes a long way toward endearing yourself toward the locals.

15.  Related to the previous rule, avoid being confrontational in a hostile or aggressive manner.  If you have been wronged, leave room for your 'opponent' to emerge with dignity (also a good rule for arguing with your spouse).  If you really need to get your way, be unwavering, patient and friendly.

16.  Bargaining is easy and enjoyable if you remember this simple principle; it's not about getting the best price, it's about agreeing on a price that both you and the seller are comfortable with.

17.  In every city, find a place that makes good pancakes and omelets and have breakfast there every morning.  Save the adventuresome dining for lunch and dinner. 

18.  Make friends with locals.  They will show you the true sights, smells and tastes of the place.  Make friends with expats.  They know how to explain the culture to you. 

19.  Efficiency is not the driving paradigm in Southeast Asia.  In America, time is money.  In Asia  time is plentiful and money is scarce.  The restaurant staff will keep the place open as long as you want to sit there.  The jeepney will leave when it's full.  Once you understand this you can relax a little and then figure out how to work the system to your advantage. 

20.  Drink coffee with condensed milk.

21.  Everyone everywhere loves Lady Gaga.